Nixie's Corner of the Sky

For some reason, these lyrics speak to me now. I'm listening to The Chipmunks version and just like The Cell Block Tango the other night, this song's got this uncanny ability to soothe the savage beast in me for some very odd reason. I say odd because, even if I have been having several consecutive "bad days" this week, I can't say that the lyrics apply to me word for word. I think it's more the music, the way I can actually feel that the singers (in this case, Alvin, Simon, and Theodore) understand what I've been through.

And right now, that's exactly what I need. I need to feel that someone, somewhere can say, "You've had a bad day, you're taking one down you sing a sad song just to turn it around..."

Darn right, Alvin. Darn right.

*****

Bad Day
Daniel Powter
Artists: Alvin, Simon, and Theodore

Where is the moment when we need it the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue sky's faded to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carrying on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carrying on

[Chorus:]
Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
Oh! You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carrying on

[Chorus:]
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing it turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
Well I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

[Chorus:]
Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
It seem what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

...that is my Multiply site.

I've shifted to a linear view, which makes my site look more like a blog than anything else. Perhaps it's just as well; that blog-ish look makes the site look more dignified.

Anyway, this is all I intend to write for the now. I really just wanted to solve a formatting problem I found here.

Toodle-loo! XX

...I really miss writing full-length accounts of my thoughts and various adventures and misadventures. A hundred and forty characters aren't always enough to capture what goes through my twisted little brain.

So how am I? Jolly well, I think. Life still isn't quite as happy as I'd like, but it's had its moments quite recently.

So, what has been going on? For starters: to those out there in cyberspace who wished me luck in my then-forthcoming comprehensive exams, I would like to thank you deeply for your good wishes and prayers, but I cannot help but wonder if you may have overdone it. See, they didn't push through. Apparently, two willing examinees weren't logistically worth the effort, or so said our academic adviser. One wonders why this is so, especially when I found out that for the good folks of the International Studies department, one student is enough. So Paola and I have been forced to wait, very possibly until July, for our first whack at the exams. One also wonders about that point. Why does our department (which shall remain nameless, lest I am nailed for libel) offer the comprehensive exams only once a year? Some of the other departments offer them every trimester. So one does not feel unnecessary stress about the possibility of failure. If I fail, I might say to myself, I have a chance to try again within the next three months. In our department, 'tis not always so. While I might not have been too excited to take the plunge, I'd already psychologically prepared myself for the ordeal.

It's ironic really, but our professors wonder why so few of our department's graduate students make it to the finish line. I wonder if they've ever considered their putting their students' lives on hold for very long periods of time has anything to do with the low rate of graduates they produce? If other departments (in the same College at that) can offer comprehensive exams every term, even if just a single student was prepared to take them, why can't our noble department follow suit? If any of my professors chance upon this blog entry, then let me tell you that this is highly disappointing. Truly, as time goes by and I get older, it becomes ever more clearer that the powers that be in my academic field are fallible to the point that makes one wonder about their right to instruct us. Oh, I know this sounds cocky and perhaps even pretentious, but if you all knew what my academic field was, I think you'd understand my rather harsh abuse of my professors. I'd like to believe that their hearts are generally in right place. However, I can deny that I'm starting to lose interest in my field in part because of them. That's sad, because when I was obtaining my undergraduate degree, the very same professors sparked that same interest in me. I believe there is a word for this: disillusionment.

So there, thanks to not being logistically worth it, I have to wait for about a year. I'm beginning to think this is yet another sign that I should bail out of this field while I'm still degree-free and head off to embrace my arts as the stars of my career instead. I did want to get a Literature degree. The idea of introducing young minds to great writers, poets, and thinkers appeals to me greatly. I could also spend more time seriously pursuing music. After all, when I was four, I started playing the piano because I wanted to grow up to become a pianist. That's something I remembered recently. Even before my childish astronaut aspirations, before I became hooked on becoming a scientist, I had wanted to become like that pianist I saw on television when I was about four and make beautiful music that would inspire all who would hear me play. About five years later, I found that that had a natural flair for poetry and I joined my first choir. I wonder why I didn't see all that before? Perhaps it's why, now that I have become something of a scientist, I find myself wanting more.

So I suppose that realization makes the cancellation almost worth it. Also, it freed my schedule so I was able to sing in the Baccalaureate Mass of CSB last 11 October. So in a sense, all's well that ends well, but...but, but, but. Never content, aren't I? Never mind.

Another bit of news: Agent Mulder was right, we're not alone. Or rather, I'm not alone, not anymore: I've got three new colleagues at work, fellow research assistants all. Kristine, Angeli, and Darwin, welcome! What's absolutely amusing about them is that they're all into Stephenie Meyer's Twilight saga. Cool, eh? And of course, they're all quite clever in their own ways...even if they don't really know it yet.

Well, seeing as I've got to surrender this computer to my brother, I'm going to have to sign off here. It's been fun getting to type as much as I like--I remember now why I love writing.

TTFN!

Hello Cloud Computing!

I found my way here (Zoho.com) thanks to Stephen Fry's Dork Talk column on cloud computing. Quite frankly, I wasn't absolutely clueless about the idea of online-based computing before I got to read Stephen Fry's article, but there were certain cognitive connections that I hadn't made which Fry, with his straightforward expository style, managed to make for my brain.

I'm now trying this Zoho Writer out at his suggestion. Being a data hugger (er...the modern evolution of the tree hugger?) thanks to my father's constant reminders to back-up my files for as long as I can remember, I have to admit that I am a little wary about saving my files online and only using my hard disk as back-up. I have been using several kinds of online data storage, from Sendspace.com for my short-term file sharing needs to Ask.com for my online bookmarking system to Yahoo! Briefcase for backing up those files that I absolutely cannot be without. However, I have never tried using these tools as my main data cachés or in the case of online applications, as my main workspace. Well, perhaps there is the exception of Ask.com. I started using it when I started using only more than one of our networked computers at home for my work. Saving one's bookmarks in the PC's onboard RAM when one has no clear base of operations is both cumbersome and confusing. You have moments like this: "Did I or didn't I bookmark that recipe of chicken steak? Oh, right, I saved it in that other computer. Better load it up to get the recipe..."

Lucky you if the PC you saved your missing bookmark in is right beside the one you're working at. What if it's a hundred kilometers away, nestled in your office PC? Ask.com solves that problem quite nicely.

Still, Ask.com just houses my bookmarks. If, God forbid, the fine people who run Ask.com should suddenly fold up shop without any warning, I probably wouldn't go insane over my lost bookmarks. Losing my word processed files, photos, videos, and music files however--I'd book myself a padded cell in the nearest mental health institution.

Hmm...this is saying something to me...

COMPREHENSIVE EXAMS, HERE I COME!!

Here's an amusing syllogism from QI by Jo Brand. Fallacious, but amusing all the same:

Premise 1: All men have bollocks.
Premise 2: All men can talk.
Conclusion: All men talk bollocks.

Whoops.

My Cheese has been moved.

I must decide whether I should be like one of the Mice or one of the Littlepeople.

I have to find my Cheese again.

The longer I hang around at this Cheeseless Cheese Station, the more annoyed I shall become and the more helpless. It's time to do something about it.

So now, like Haw, I'm going to tie on my sneakers and go on to the next Cheese Station. After all, "when you move beyond your fear, you feel free."

And so, to inspire me, here's a list of the things Haw learned from his experienced with his moved Cheese:

Change Happens
They Keep Moving The Cheese
Anticipate Change
Get Ready For The Cheese To Move
Monitor Change
Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old
Adapt To Change Quickly
The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Can Enjoy New Cheese
Change
Move With The Cheese
Enjoy Change!
Savor The Adventure And Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese!
Be Ready To Change Quickly And Enjoy It Again & Again
They Keep Moving The Cheese

So there. The quicker I let go of the Old Cheese, the sooner I get to enjoy New Cheese. It's time for New Cheese! Yipee!

Besides, I have a reason to be happy, so without denying that my Cheese has been moved, I should enjoy my happiness.

Reference: Johnson, S. (1998). Who Moved My Cheese? United States: Putnam Adult.

I feel completely disoriented today. I could use a nap. Unable to focus on my work, I get distracted so easily. One wonders if this has anything to do with the events of the last week and weekend.

Physically, I feel tired. Emotionally, this Fry and Laurie sketch I'm watching right now reflects how I feel exactly: I feel that life is grey and hopeless. What does it all mean? We live in a doomed world.

I feel like my soul's in abeyance somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I find myself mildly dissociating from this common consciousness even when I walk down the hallways of the college. I see people as great hulking animals that just happen to be able to think.

Man, my brain's in trouble today.

Hmm...bloglet. What a word.

Anyway, on to the real reason I started this entry. I was reading Stephen Fry's blog this morning and I encountered the word "mensch" there. Being the curious little kitty I can be at times, I googled the word. Among the search hits, I found this. It's from a blog entitled, quite simply, How to Change the World. Enjoy!

How to Be a Mensch

I have a theory (as opposed to a dream) that Heaven is a three-class Boeing 777. You can sit in a narrow seat that doesn't recline and eat chicken-like substances next to a screaming baby in coach class. Or, you can sit in a slightly wider seat that reclines slightly more and eat a beef-like substance in business class.

But The Goal is to spend eternity in first class--specifically Singapore Airlines first class. Here your seat reclines to a completely flat position, and there's a power outlet, personal video player, wireless access to the Internet, and noise-cancelling headphones. There are also chefs, not microwave ovens.

You cannot buy your way into first class; nor can you use frequent flyer miles. The only way to earn an upgrade is to be a mensch. Leo Rosten, the Yiddish maven and author of The Joys of Yiddish, defines mensch this way:

Someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character. The key to being “a real mensch” is nothing less than character, rectitude, dignity, a sense of what is right, responsible, decorous.

Here is my humble attempt to help you achieve menschdom.

1. Help people who cannot help you. A mensch helps people who cannot ever return the favor. He doesn't care if the recipient is rich, famous, or powerful. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't help rich, famous, or powerful people (indeed, they may need the most help), but you shouldn't help only rich, famous, and powerful people.
2. Help without the expectation of return. A mensch helps people without the expectation of return--at least in this life. What's the payoff? Not that there has to be a payoff, but the payoff is the pure satisfaction of helping others. Nothing more, nothing less.
3. Help many people. Menschdom is a numbers game: you should help many people, so you don't hide your generosity under a bushel. (Of course, not even a mensch can help everyone. To try to do so would mean failing to help anyone.)
4. Do the right thing the right way. A mensch always does the right thing the right way. She would never cop an attitude like, “We're not as bad as Enron.” There is a bright, clear line between right and wrong, and a mensch never crosses that line.
5. Pay back society. A mensch realizes that he's blessed. For example, entrepreneurs are blessed with vision and passion plus the ability to recruit, raise money, and change the world. These blessings come with the obligation to pay back society. The baseline is that we owe something to society--we're not a doing a favor by paying back society.

Exercise: It's the end of your life. What three things do you want people to remember you for?
1.
2.
3.

If you'd like to read more about this subject, I suggest Joshua Halberstam's book called Everyday Ethics: Inspired Solutions to Real-Life Dilemmas.

I hope this helps you become a mensch. No need to thank me if it does--helping you is reward enough--ie, “Don't menschion it.”

Written at: Atherton, California.

******

Bloglets like these bring on much-needed smiles. Idealistic, yes; simplistic, perhaps. But deep down inside, we all want to change the world but many of us have adopted cynicism because it seems "in" and sophisticated. It takes child-like faith to believe that man's spirit really can make a difference.

Just to set the records straight:

Due to a series of rather unfortunate events, I have been changing my cellphone numbers in record time over the last few months. Now that the sands have settled down, I can now declare my final set of phone numbers.

I'm using only two numbers actively now, my Globe and my Sun number. They are:

Globe:(+632)9064260316
Sun:(+632)9238899576


Please update your phonebooks accordingly. To those who have been trying to contact me using my other numbers, I extend my sincerest and shiniest apologies.

Ta everyone!

lifted from Yahoo News

A brain chemical strongly linked to mood and appetite may also directly affect fat gain, U.S. researchers reported on Tuesday.

They said levels of serotonin, the nerve-signaling chemical targeted by many antidepressants, may also direct the body to put down fat regardless of how much food is eaten.

"It may be one reason diets fail," metabolism expert Kaveh Ashrafi of the University of California, San Francisco, who led the study, said in a telephone interview.

The findings, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, could lead to better diet drugs and treatments for diseases like diabetes.

Serotonin may help the body decide whether to burn off excess calories, or store them as fat, Ashrafi said.

He worked with roundworms for his experiment but said the findings may relate to humans. "These worms, although they are microscopic, they have around 20,000 genes ... and if you compare them side by side they are about 50 percent similar to us," he said.

Genes controlling appetite, fat storage and metabolism are especially similar, he said. The tiny worms can be manipulated to see changes to their metabolism, appetite and weight gain.

"It has been known for a long time that increasing serotonin causes fat reduction," Ashrafi said.

"At the molecular level we are trying to understand what is the mechanism that allows that to happen. What we discovered in the worm is that those mechanisms can be separated from the mechanisms that mediate the effects of serotonin on appetite."

The research found serotonin levels affected the worms' appetite, but they also affected how much fat the worms accumulated, and this was via a separate process.

If the worms detect a food shortage, their metabolisms shift and they store more fat. This could explain why some people get fat more easily than others -- and why dieting can cause more weight gain later.

"Different people may have similar diets, may have similar rates of physical activity, but may have very different body weights," Ashrafi said. "Appetite is only part of it."

But for now the remedy for excess body fat remains obvious. "Nothing in our study says that good nutrition and physical activity are not good for you," Ashrafi said.

Simply raising serotonin levels can have serious side-effects. The diet drug fenfluramine, which has the effect of raising serotonin levels, was pulled off the market in 1997 after it caused sometimes deadly heart valve damage.

Tell me something. Why are the sweetest kids struck down with the worst kinds of sicknesses? It's so f*cking unfair, damn it. Maybe heaven's short of angels, and God's decided to recruit some from among the earth's purest souls.

Everyone out there, please pray/call upon whatever greater powers you believe in for the sister of my friend, Jane. Do pray that she recovers soon.

Thanks, y'all.

EDIT: Gian's better, Jane just told me. Thank God!

It doesn't take much to distract me. This isn't good when I'm trying to finish a backlog of work.

Funnily enough, when I am seriously interested in something, it becomes hard to pull me away. I can skip meals and sleep when I'm really interested.

Extrinsic motivation does little for me. My core mover has to be intrinsic. If I am not interested in what I'm trying to do, that's it, it's over, done away with, finished, over.

So I guess I really have to find some activity that never ceases to interest me. Then, I have to find a way to profit from it. That way, I maximize my potential.

Money and the promise of fame doesn't do much for my motivation. Sometimes I wish they did because it would then be so much easier to function on the world's terms. The closest I probably come is the promise of a library like the one in Disney's Beauty and the Beast...there, see below:



...isn't that just sexy, all those books stacked further up than the eye can possibly take in in one glance, just waiting to be oh-so-slowly explored intimately? Oh yeah...

So there, the furry sexiness of libraries aside, that would probably turn me on. That and being given a chance to live in the United Kingdom (even for just a few years) and to get to work with Stephen Fry as a writer...oh, and being gifted with loads of Apple stuff--all that would probably make it easier for me to get really motivated.

So I do have my extrinsic price tag. It's just different from the usual world standard price tag, I suppose.

Any golly way, I had better get my nose back on the grindstone.